If, Not when

A week ago I shocked myself, I realized that instead of saying “When” I’ve begun to say “If”. If I get married, not when I get married. I used to always say ” When I get married, I’m gonna do this for my wedding” Without really realizing it, I started to use if. This is basically saying that I give up, like I will be lucky if this even happens to me.

Some girls pass it off as they don’t really care to get married and start a family, when deep down a good chunk of us actually want to have an ever after with someone. I am one of those girls, I would say ” Oh I don’t need to get married, I’m happy with my life right now”. In all actuality, I’m not, I want an ever after with a guy that truly cares about me and I feel my clock is ticking.

I think a lot of women start to feel this same way when everyone around them, Old high school friends and family members, are starting families. You realize that you want that as well, that it is something that you’re missing from your life.

I realized I was saying if instead of when, when my mom and I were watching say yes to the dress. Which we do every friday or whenever it is on and nothing else is. I started to say if I get married and sadly it took me a couple of weeks to realize that I had switched from when to if. I’m 24 years old and the last and only boyfriend I’ve ever had was when I was 21. In highschool I didn’t really care for dating, the guys that went to my school were not at all appealing. Most of the guys I was in high school with, I’ve known them since second grade and at that point I knew them well enough to know that I wouldn’t want to date any of them.

The one boyfriend I did have, I met him online then we decided to meet up in person. He was a great guy but I felt nothing for him but friendship. I broke it off after one full month of dating him, which was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I hate hurting people.

So now at 24, I have cousins getting married to someone that you can tell loves them with all their heart. A year or so ago I was saying When, I was saying it for a lot of things. When I get my degree, When I get in full time, When I have my own place. Everything in my life has slowly become if and that is a hard thing to realize. You start saying it subconsciously and at that point you’ve given up hope of everything with out knowing that you have given up hope.

I don’t know if anyone else has gone through this same thing or if I’m the only one…..Which I highly doubt the last part. For now on I plan to go back to when, I don’t want to give up hope. Realizing what I have been saying recently, makes me want to go back a couple of years to when the future seemed more bright. We may be having a hard time with the economy, but I am going to do my best to be positive and say When! Like, When I get my own place, I am going to get more than one dog and they are going to be giant dogs! I empower everyone to have this mind set and try to whatever it is they want. Make it happen, work hard and do whatever you need to do in order to not lose the hopes and dreams you have or have had for years.  Image


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